Well, been abouta month since i've written in this bitch, but all well. I miss it kinda. I wish i had more time to write in here. Lifes been hectic as usual. Schools driving me nuts and homework is driving me...well more nuts you could say. I'm workin with JROTC and its killin me. Then theres our suck ass drama club who just lost horrible monday. And thats damn near about it. Friends getting hurt, others getting pissed, the usual dumbass shit. But who cares, as long as me and my closest buds are happy. LOL. the Inner Circle a i call them. lol sounds like a friggen cult or somthing. anywhos, i wish ppl would still come visit my site i miss attention lol. i used 2 love coming here after a new entry and seeing someone post a comment, not anymore. no one loves me. all well,life is short must run again.

I'll try to keep in touch,
Kushiel

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I swear to god. I couldnt fucking wait to drive and get my lisence. It was like a dream come true. Who didnt? All that freedom and a car to drive to call your own. Well I wasnt all that estatic when my parents bought a 50 dollar car for me to drive. But They told me it was a Honda, so it would last forever and be dependable. MY FUCKING ASS. I drive (unfortunatley) a 1985 Honda Accord 2-door hatchback....yeah. But I was greatful and spent hours and hundreds of dollars fixing it up and making it beautiful while stamping it with my own personality. (Hence the "How do you like my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-ME", and "Your face made me throw up a little" stickers on my rear-window) And i loved my lil beat up P.O.S, cuz no matter what anyone said about my car, it was still MINE. And it ran, for the most part. It started with a electrical problem that eventually made my battery dead every 3 hours and made my car randomly cut off. Then it moved to leaky winshield, windows not closing all they, no AC, then windows not opening all the way. Next came the steering allignment off, the funny grindind noise whenever i turn right,holey break line,an exhaust system held together with super glue and electrical tape, broken clutch, shards of rusted metal in my gearshifter and an emergency break that only worked 45% of the time. We gradually fixed lil things here and there to make it worthwhile, but only to have them come back...with a vengeance. We brought brand new tires, new battery, new fuse box and electrical wiring, new exaust piping etc etc etc. But it still doesnt work but half the time. b/c no matter what new shit we put on it, something else manages to break within 3 days. Today I had a very important, shall we say, docters appointment at 2:30. Which envloved me leaving school no later than 2:00. Well my car ONCE FUCKING AGAIN, was dead, from some new rather unnatural cause and I stood in my school parking lot till 3:15 when school let out, so someone could jump start my car JUST SO I COULD MAKE IT HOME. Thats embaressing, it really is. Well my principal ended up jump starting my car for me. For that I owe him many thanks. But it makes me so fucking angry. God its depressing, everyone i know gets a nice, new DEPENDABLE machine. how come i cant? i dont care if its and old car without AC, but it needs to be dependable. I cant even fucking take a turn too fast without losing 4 or 5 random pieces on the road. I cant fucking go out and go anywhere, or do anything without worrying wow i hope my phone works out here in case my cars breaks down again.or I hope i dont get kidnapped, raped or shot to death b/c my car broke down on teh side of the road in BUTTFUCK EGYPT. It makes me want to cry. I'm fucking SCARED to drive my car. Thats sad.

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If ya'll dunno what that is, you suck. QUALITY ALCOHOL AND BOOTY. Which i am gettin plenty of tonight. I'll check back in tomorrow if i'm still breathin correctly......I'ma have me a good ass time. And i'm taking pics! ROFL. later fools. Kushiels PS: My girlfriend says Hey NuTang!

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I decided to susprise a few ppl and write a new entry, been like how long? a month or so? geez, so much has happend. Uhm, i'v been going to church! ( which if you knew me well enough is a HUGE FEAT) i enjoy it, i'm attempting to accept Christ. And doing a good job of it so far. I am going to texas to visit my dad soon. hes driving up here to pick me up, and we are riding back down to texas together, a lil bit of a father/daughter road trip. (one that takes 26 hours might i add!!!) His ETA is 10pm this tuesday night, i should be leaving sometime thereafter (wednesday morning-ish LOL) My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, tore me apart. Still hurting but we've reconciled our differences and remain best friends. Honestly. but i'm still alive and kickin.....Got my car fixed, been driving alot. AND yes on the road this time.Got an appt on Aug. 3 to get my hair cut short as hell. I've had long hair my whole life, like no shorter than my waist...and i'm finally ready to LOP IT ALL OFF and go for a short, punky bobby-doo thing whatever ma-bobs....lol....yeah my description is awesome huh? lol, anyway.its a lil after 1:30 in the morning and i'm still not tired. I believe my father has passed his very annoying case of INSOMNIA on to me. I havent slept more than 4 hours a night for the past couple months. its SUCKS HAIRY MONKEY BALL-NESS! lol, yeah anyway i'm think i'm going to go sneak an insanely large amount of laxative into my moms coffee pot for tomorrow morning and see how her day works out while shes grocery shopping ::evil grin:: MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I'll write more often while i'm in texas and let you ppl know what kinda trouble i'm causing in another state! LATERZ! Stay good and party hardy..........
-Kushiel

MOM BEFORE---->
MOM AFTER---->
ME---> ROFLMAO

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dont know what to say really...i'm tired. and hanging out at my friends house. like everyday thsi week. watch him and his friends play HALO on xbox. pretty interesting.....anywho.....have nothing to write today..alotta shits happened recently but nothing to gossip or whine about. so i'll talk to you guys later. -Kushiel

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Hello, to those people that dont read my page. Or to the 1 that does. Sry I havent been on this damn thing in forever. My ma is being a stubborn wench(anything unusual? NOPE) about using the comp at home b/c the warranty went out like a month ago, and she said 're not alowed to use it anymore cuz I might break it. Yeah ok, had that damn comp for 3 years and I NEVER BROKE IT, SHE DID! But thats my mom, everythings my fault and i'm the fuck-up. Geez, less than 2 years i swear, and i'm gone! i dont care if i have to live in a gutter when i turn 18 i'm out of that goddamn forsaken house. Yeah yeah theres kids in Samalia that are starving to death and kids that live in the alleys at 4 years old b/c thier parents abandoned them so i should be thankful i have a parent and a house and food, FUCK THAT SHIT. If i was so fucking thankful i wouldnt have spent all that money on 2 years of therapy trying to figure out why i was a worthless piece of shit and all those nights crying my self to sleep at night clutching a knife with my blood covering the blade. Try that for thankful, assholes. In case you havent already figured it out I'm in NO good mood. The only thing I have to look forward to is my 3 month anniversary with my rock star. Yeah i know 3 months is no big deal, but for me it is. I didnt think it'd last this long, honestly. when we first srating dating i thought it was just a fling type thing. both of us had talked and agreed that neither of us was interested in a relationship. He just got out of a 2 year long slice of hell and i had just gotten out of one of the most damaging relationships in my life (next to the one i have with my mother) seriously, who wants to have a boyfriend 4 months after running away from a guy who took his pleasure by giving you black eyes and throwing in your face how he fucked some other girl the night before.Daring me to say something, and when i did, i got hit. HARD. What was fucked up is when i finally realized that he had brainwashed me into thinking that i made a mistake and i deserved to be hit , i got enough nerve to tell my friends and most didnt believe me. and still dont to this day. hell my own mother didnt beleive me and i had the black eyes to prove it! she had the balls to say i did it myself to get attention. Oh yeah, heard that one many times. Like when i "forced my uncle to molest me" to get attention. Fuck her. I swear its a miracle i havent killer her or myself yet. i dont know why i brought all this anger and resentment up. OK yeah i do, my therapist has quiet literally DUMPED me ( he moved on to another branch up north) and i have no one to talk to the way i used to talk to him. its kinda not the same talking to your friends, b/c either way they are gonna agree with whatever i say, and its nice to have an adults opinion and atleast someone who trys to explain WHY my mom could possibly do and say those things. ::SIGHS:: but whatever, i'm done venting..............for now. I'm gonna go suck on some helium now and try to get a high, lol. atleast then i can laugh at myself as i talk like alvin the chipmunk.

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